Anecdote - a smile from ear to ear!

After surgery, the surgeon goes to the Pope and Carlo said:.
- I have two news for you - good and bad. I'll start with the bad. We have done everything possible had several operations on the heart, stomach and liver Pinocchio - but could not save him.
- A good one?!.
- Do you have a new trough.

- How to wean the children to have sex?.
- We must teach sex in school as a normal subject and ask him for homework.

A woman in a police station and says:.
- I want to write a letter to her husband.
- And what did he do? .
- He called me kisoy.
- So what? .
- Yes? .


I've got a friend. So, he told me once that he had kept the family heirloom, passed down from generation to generation - namely, the Bible manuscript is not the eleventh, twelfth century, not the. At the Old Church Slavonic, a leather-bound - in short, not every museum has something similar. I told him:.
- Andrei, why do you trepleshsya about it on every corner? .
What he is deeply married man, looked at me - bachelor down - condescendingly, and answers:.
- So it is not me. She is a mother in law.


There is a Jew on the street and sees a store. The sign says ' rifles, pistols, knives '. He comes into the store and says:.
- Give me a gun.
- No Limit.
- Give me the gun.
- No!.
- Give me a knife.
- No!.
The Jew looks for the seller back and see where a lot of weapons. Upset, left the store and is. Suddenly bursts into the shop and yells:.
- It's all because I am a Jew! .
The seller gets their goods safely:.
- Guns, guns, knives.

Hello, I'm your new pathologist.

Folk wisdom:.
The clash head-on is fraught with fatal.
but in the crotch crotch - on the contrary.

The second day goes on collision between two aircraft in the skies over Estonia.

Finally passed a law on compulsory insurance of liability avtougolovnoy. Now, otsizhivaya in jail only one month of the year, the driver will be able with impunity to shoot down pedestrians for a total period of 15 years.


It's time to rebuild, at the wheel has a lot of women, as we habitually.
cry all in a row, ' P * doras! '.

Grader Misha - the future psychologist. It was he who proved the grandmother that the moonshine out of the basement he got up and left.

- Hello, it's background?.
- Wait, I now know.

His wife, knowing that her husband would come drunk, tells the children:.
- Father of undress and lay to sleep, but do not remove the pants, there lives a lizard - bite me!.
After all the children of mother report:.
- Divide, was laid, the dangers are no more - the lizard was killed, ruined nest, eggs, crushed!.

The peasant girl, making him a blowjob:.
- You probably had not heard, I gave you those $ 100 with the words:.
Would you change for them.

They sit two men advanced age, talk:.
- Used to be such a girl, how will all rise.
- But now what?.
- And now there are no girls!.

- And I a hacker had sold exclusive ICQ number! .
- Shestiznak?.
- Nope. 272050495.
- The Fool.
- Yes, you're human! .

You have a school that was on the geography?.
- Four.
- If x % d send - do not get lost?.

My wife tells her husband:.
- Vasya and if I kiss you birch weed?.
husband:.
- Tear!.
wife:.
- A pine tree?.
husband:.
- And if sosnesh I 'll rip the whole forest!.

Hello, Masha is possible?.
- Yes, of course.
- That same crud! .

- You guys, so rude! .
attention.
- Attention is now going to have sex!.

From the conversation of two blondes riding in the car:.
- These guys do not know how to ride!.
- Do not even talk! .
did not comply with the distance - going straight in front of us!.

Newlyweds returned from their honeymoon in the Canary Islands.
My husband looks in the mirror:.
- Oh! .
- How can you light up when you're always on top!.

Ensign comes home and tells his wife:.
- Let's grub.
His wife starts complaining:.
- Oh, I'm so tired, I work all day, never sat down. Ensign was sorry his wife and forced her to sit down 200 times.

- Something you're not gay, that's for a smoke a cigarette.
- What is it - ...
- You'll be laughing for very long, but it's not ...

- I want to sleep properly for once!.
- Are you sleeping OK! .
- I want to lie!.

Bob comes home at four o'clock in the morning drunk three sheets with his friend Vanya. Vasey 's wife opened the door and says:.
- Bob, what time do you come home, and even in this condition? . And you, Ivan, too,.

The forms I have always made ​​it difficult to answer is ' no opinion '.

- Help me get rid of the complexes....
- Do you have any?.
- ( Whispering) Anti-aircraft missile.

- Dad, I'm not going to go get married, I 'll live with you.
- Do not you dare to threaten his father!.

- Dad, I have five in math! .
- You will not get in the face, son.

- Hey, bro, what have you got so stink?.
- Garbage.
- Why did not you vynesesh?.
- And it's not me it slammed.

On the road leading to the highway, there is a girl with a poster in the.
hands: ' LAST CHANCE TO HIGHWAY! '.

Carpets in the shop ' Old Hottabych '. Great carpets for fuck - tibidoh!.


commercial bank. Breaks a man in a mask and yells:.
- Everybody on the floor, it oblazhanie!.
cashier:.
- Maybe a robbery?.
- No, oblazhanie, I forgot my gun at home.

There are two blondes. One the other says:.
- Yesterday I passed the IQ test.
- Well, what about you?.
- Excellent! .

Attention is a man to the police:.
- His wife disappeared.
- Give a description of his wife.
- On one condition - when it exists, it is the description you do not show!.

- Honey, get me a hamster! .
And when this bastard dies, he will make such a cool cover.
Mobile!.

If you have a wonderful wife, drop dead lover, cool car, no.
problems with the authorities and tax authorities, and when you go out to the street.
the sun always shines, and you smile at passers-by - say NO to drugs!.

If the left hand itches - to money, if the nose - to drink, even if.
another - to drink for free.

His wife and her lover are in bed. phone call. My wife picked it up, spread a few words, put. Lover:.
- Who called?.
- husband. I said to you in the chess playing.

Servant of twine guests with wine, leans to one of the guests:.
- A drink that is your wife?.
- My Blood.

Lonely man looking for love, affection, understanding, and then eat a thread.

Moscow, Kremlin reception on the occasion of the birth in. In. fishing season. The President and his wife await guests. And then she tells him:.
- Vladimir, God himself commanded you to go to the racetrack!.
- Why, my dear?.
- You have it lucky! .

There are two philologist. One says:.
- You know, yesterday heard a word - the language will break.
- What word, then?.
- Cunnilingus.
- Yes, b *, I just break your tongue!.